In the light of a super tough semester at the second half of 2004, there’re rumours aplenty as to why the sch wants to slaughter the HR students. I think it’s time for the world to know the truth. And know tis, the truth will rock the world.
There r many cool things about working in NTU’s R&D department. But for Lion, nothing was as fun as finally having an opportunity to get a real “behind-the-scenes” peek. He had spent all his spare hrs during his first month scouring NTU’s extensive database for comments fr the exam paper designers and coursework developers. And the results were quite interesting.
One day while searching through AB201 Accountings II, Lion stumbled across 2004’s exam paper. In the comments field, he found the following:
2.4 Prof TW: on the overall it shd be fine, tho we might want to remove the MCQs.
3.05 Prof JLM: for students’ morale sake, we shd make the first two questions slightly easier.
3.07 Prof CTH: This paper would be horribly easy in tis case, since it has only 4 questions.
3.07 Prof WJR: Not horrible easy, just less “fun” for us.
Lion found tis interchange quite entertaining. He was just about to click to the next paper when he noticed a strange red button sitting on the bottom right of the screen. He had never seen anything like it before in any of the NTU files. The button had no writing, merely an icon of a brain in a jar.
Lion tot about asking about the button, but finally decided to just try it. After all, what could possibly happen?
The screen turned red n the words “Top Secret Mode” appeared at the top of the screen. The comments field completely changed:
Prof RG (15/8/03): Team expressed interest in paper that will fail 50.713% of the students n remain in their nightmares for several years. Here you go.
Prof HS (3/2/04): Dev team ran through examination simulator. Believe students will complain to their parents within acceptable limits.
Prof JM (1/4/04): Consulted with the government about the stress level generated. Prof WJR (4/13/97): Lee Kwan Yew approved
Prof CTH (4/14/97): Guess we won't be needing TM's help. :-)
Lion was puzzled at first. But then he realized tt it must be some practical joke. He had heard all the Lee Kwan Yew jokes (some claimed that R&D was run by LKY’s giant brain in a jar). Someone was obviously having some fun with him. The thing he was most puzzled by was Prof Chan Teck Heng’s (he assumed CTH was Chan Teck Heng) comment about a TM. To the best of Lion's knowledge, no one with the initials TM had ever worked in NTU.
Curiosity finally got the best of Lion. “Hey Ah Chan,” he called across the R&D galley, “Who the hell is TM?”
When Lion turned around to hear his answer, he found Prof Chan already at his desk. “TM?” Prof Chan began, “How did you…” Prof Chan's face went white as he saw Lion’s computer monitor.
“I don't know,” said Lion, “I was looking thru NTU database when I found tis weird red button on the screen for AB201 Accountings II.”
“For the love of god,” Prof Chan said softly to himself, “We can smoke students in lectures n invent mountains of projects for them, but we can't keep a freakin' level one security clearance on NTU.”
Lion was still waiting for the punchline when Prof Chan said, “You better come wif me.”
Lion had a lot of questions, but Prof Chan 's body language made it clear that tis wasn't the time. Prof Chan shuffled Lion into the elevator. “Why don't we jus walk up the stairs?” Lion asked.
“Becos there aren't stairs to where we're going.”
Lion had always wondered why a two-story building had an elevator. He got his answer when the elevator went down. As the elevator descended the panel wif the buttons rotated to reveal an entire new set of buttons several of which sported PAP symbols. Prof Chan punched in a code (the birth date of LKY). A computer voice then said, “Password pls.”
“They dine really have to take AB103 Statistics,” Mark replied.
“Password accepted,” said the computer.
The doors swung open to reveal a giant underground complex. With flashing lights and whizzing computers, the hall looked like a cross between a secret military base n a mad scientist's lab. Dozens of white coated employees moved thru the room. Lion turned to face Prof Chan. “Welcome to R&D,” Prof Chan said, “The real R&D.”
Lion's mind was spinning. “I hav so many questions,” Lion told Prof Chan.
“Shoot.”
“How can you afford all tis?”
“NTU makes a lot of money, Lionel. A lot of money. Where do you think we funnel most of it? We sure dun waste it on frivolous things like expanding the canteens or getting one more student free-access lab.”
“How come no one knows about tis?”
“Because we've gone to great lengths to keep it hidden. Could you imagine the public's response if all the crazy rumors turned out to be real? Heck, if you're responding poorly to learning this info, your mind would be wiped before we hit the elevator.”
“So wat do you guys do down here?”
“Over there r all the computers. We use them to properly analyze where and how the students will adapt. We've created three AI's – clever student, average student n silly girls – to help us understand how each paper will be received. Next to tt is the behavior modification software. Then the internet bots used to create and spread false info for plagiarising students. The sucky-canteen-food generator. The sch fee overcoster. The bus 179 frequency reducer. That's the OSIM chair for professors. Then we have the vault. We keep several thousand unreleased exam paper templates, jus in case the 2004 May exam question leakage incident repeats itself. And finally, the two sealed rooms, the Correcting Room and the Forbidden Room.”
“The Correcting Room n the Forbidden Room? Wat r those?”
“You'll see the former in a min. And the latter, dun ask again.”
“But…”
Prof Chan 's stare told Lion tt not all his questions were going to be answered.
Prof Chan stopped as he arrived at the closed door. He let a small laser scan his retina. “Password,” asked the computer.
“There r hidden video cams in the hostels.”
“Password accepted,” the computer replied.
The door slid open to reveal a medium-sized room complete with a large silver object. It was clearly a time machine. Lion followed Prof Chan into the room. “What is tis?” Lion asked.
“Tis,” Prof Chan replied, “is TM.”
“R&D has a time machine?!”
“Hey, even we can make mistakes. Anyway, tis is why I was hired in R&D. For my expertise in time travel. I almost blew my cover teaching Strategic HR badly last sem..”
“Do you think you'll ever have to use it?”
“Have to? Tis baby has already saved our butts more times than I can remb.”
“But then why dine you do anything about Quazi’s
“Lionel, Lionel, Lionel. If you think the biggest problem with difficulty level is Quazi’s
“General Electives? How exactly do modules which require only a pass warp the examinations?”
“They didn't require jus tt then.”
“What did they require?”
Prof Chan visibly shivered. “Some things r better left off dead and buried.”
“How did R&D end up with a time machine?”
“LKY built it after NTU collapsed.”
“I dun understand,” Lion said, “NTU never collapsed.”
“Not in tis timeline. But back in 1981, the Additional Common Electives proved more than the students could handle.”
“Additional Common Electives?”
“Yeah, tt n the Extra Universal Electives”
“The Extra Universal Electives?”
A frightened look came to Prof Chan 's face. “Look, I'm still not ready to talk about the Extra Universal Electives. Because of them I lost someone v close to me.”
“But wat could they possibly do…?”
Prof Chan sternly raised his hand. “Dead n buried!”
“How many times hav you guys had to use the time machine?”
Prof Chan didn't know what else to say. In the silence, a tear came to Prof Chan 's eye. “Let's get outta here,” he said.
As Lion n Prof Chan walked back to the elevator, Prof Chan finished the tour. “Now tt you know the truth, it's time for your indoctrination.”
Prof Chan led Lion towards the second closed door. As Prof Chan was about to open it Lion asked, “How come tis door doesn't have any security on it?”
“Because anyone foolish enough to enter deserves their fate.”
“Wait a minute. Where r we going?”
“You'll see.”
“This whole LKY thing's jus a big joke right?”
“………”
Lion looked ard at the R&D Secret Lab. He felt the knot is his stomach double in size. “Come on,” said Prof Chan, “We hav an appointment to keep…”
THE END
7 comments:
yeah, jus dun spread tis piece of writing pls. if it gets into the hands of the profs, or worse, LKY, i may be shorter than ever. cos my head will roll.
wahaha see la, not all the things i come out wif r garbage, there's actually a GV07 idol n its mine! must vote for me k?
hey i'm totally lost reading this... can some kind soul explain...
oh... btw... da jie.. haha... paiseh .. i read ur blog le... heee...
Nooooooo... how can u read my blog?? haha ok la nvm, i write crap nowadaes anyway. jus dun tell others the way to the Lioncourts k? erm u dun understand i cant help u too la, see a doctor?
this just goes to show u r rite on 1 count...starleaf n saiman passed some comments...but y did they not protest at ur categorisation of smart students, averages ones..and....SILLY GIRLS??....the hidden implication here is....haha....;>
haha jy, knew i could alwaes count on u to understand wat i write, even the hidden implications!
damm....where is freedom of speech?...lionel the incorruptible has fallen to the viles of a cunning woman???.....the lion bested by a kitty???....saiman's confusion has overpowered the skof leader???....who be you...i m the wing tt flaps in the dark u vile spawn of the darkest night of abyss beneath the earth a godforsaken dominion where you exist in the filth of depravity where the light does not reach.......
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