Up on Cloud Number Nine

When I’m sick of the flare of gaming computers and the smoke-filled air of the pool parlour, I left Zhixun and his friends for home. On my way back, I passed by S’pore Post and since the weather was so nice, I climbed up to its rooftop to slack.

The roof above S’pore Post is one of my favourite places in S’pore. It’s my “Cloud Number Nine”, where I do nothing except watch the world go by. From my vantage point, I can survey all from the dark-glassed splendour of Suntec City to the imposing condominiums behind TJC. Every time I come to Cloud Number Nine, I feel a rush of nostalgia. For two years of my JC life, I had travelled up and down the road beside S’pore Post daily. On most of those days, Jingyu travelled with me. He came to my home frequently and we loved to study together. For the reason that Jingyu, Michelle and Chin were by my side constantly, going to school was always a cheery thing.

It’s funny how sometimes I like to dream of being with my friends instead of actually being beside them. I think there is a charm in longing, the kind which gives beauty to a poem. I certainly enjoy my seclusion up on Cloud Number Nine, eternity without responsibility fits me like a shoe. Begone from me, all the people of the world; begone from me, all relationships. For now, I’m a magnet for things quiet and serene. For now, I go anywhere I want.

But my heart cannot lie. When the soft blanket of night gently covers the land, who knows if I will long to love and be loved? I cannot give in, nor can I give up. And love once again, becomes my reprimand, my goad, my song.

On rainy days

It's a rainy and frosty morn. I love it when it rains.

I like being at home when it's pouring heavily outside. I get tis v sheltered and protected feeling when that happens, n it makes me feel slightly warm and fuzzy inside.

I like the way the world appears blurred, as if shrouded by a faintly translucent cloth. The rain pales the colours of the world and turns the picture into a monochrome. It is as if everything has a sense of unity for once, it is as if everything seems simpler wif their details faded out.

I like the way the rain traps people in their homes, sheltered walkways, cafes and other hiding places. It slows us down to think about our lives, to reminisce our past, so that we don't gobble up life the way we gobble up food and thrills.

I like the way the rain renders everything lonely, romantic. It inspires me to write poems which i don't have the words for.

I like the pit-pattering of falling rain on rooftops and streets. The constant music accompanies me all morn, reminding me that when i don't want to be wif ppl, i still have Rain as my company. And when it rains, im never lonely when im alone -grins-

My place

My exams are over since last fri. Frankly tho, i never tot things will get easier for me, i still gotta plan for Proj Serve and it's not easy, lots of administrative stuff to settle. I jus tot it would be gd to be able to concentrate on a thing at a time, juggling both Proj Serve n exams at the same time isn't an easy feat. N i dun think i did both well during the exam period, tho God is gd n sustained me thruout.

Tis morn i went to church as usual, but i wasnt in a worshipful mood n i didnt concentrate well on the sermon too. Thats becos i have some unsettled stuff on my mind, n I was kind of distracted thruout the service. When it finally ended to my relief, i went to American Bullshit's place. Bullshit's father has a small garden, and i like to sit beside the pond alone to think things thru. It has a cascading waterfall and is carpeted wif emerald lilies. Red and orange fishes darted to and forth beneath the shroud of lilies while tadpoles explore the root-maze of arrowhead plants. I like the pond even more when it's a rainy day. In the drizzle, the raindrops hang on the web water spiders spun n glitter a little. The frogs come out, hop onto the water plants n linger for as long as the rain falls. Tis little place is home to these little creatures and a sanctuary for my heart.

After staying for half an hr in the garden, i headed towards the bball court opposite church, wanting to shoot a few balls. On the way i met Steven n the rest. i politely rejected their invitation to go for lunch together n continue on my way, wanting to indulge in my solitute perhaps. Halfway, i hesitated, turned back n caught up wif them. In the warm n lazy afternoon, amidst laughing n understanding frens, i found my place in the world again.

Love Song of Night and Day

He (Day) / She (Night)

Slip into your most lovely shoes, your silver crescent pendant.
Come with me to the harbour, where we will stroll until sunrise.
The street performers will whirl with their fires and funny apples,
while the mime perform, and the musician strums gently on his guitar.

And late in the night, the astrologers entertain,
enthrall us with their otherworldly journeys, as we listen, standing by the telescope.
Enchant me with your tale-telling. Tell about Moses, Joshua, and the Promised Land.
Tell why Light must fight with Darkness, and why Light will always win.

I'll sing you a song, which makes my heart pine for you.
The melody is soothing, but the lyrics make me ache in longing.
I’ll paint you a picture, of the glory of the day, or of the beauty of the night.
Sky and earth, plains and oases will fill up the canvas.

I'll write my thoughts in letters and dairies for you, yearning, the only feeling I allow myself.
I'll give you crystal angels, a pearly hand-stitched box to carry them,
adorned with flowery patterns, girded with white ribbons.
These things will comfort you while I'm gone, remind you of my love for you.

Your eyes are like those of angels, keeping a silent vigil over me.
When you play in the field you’re the swift athlete, captivating me with your moves.
Wondrous love, you're a thousand women at once,
sharp and strong as an eagle, yet gentle as an gazelle.

On this our last day together, let us walk across the grasslands.
Hold my hand and let's walk slowly, seeing everything as children.
Let's fly a kite like we always do, at the brink of the city, where the expanse of clouds is unhindered.
Watch its tasseled tails sway in the wind, as it rises higher and higher skyward.

Let us gaze once more, at the nighttime firmament.
While the neighbourhood is quiet, and parents are in bed with their children,
we will lie on our backs in your back yard, taking in the night.
In the Celestial Court high above, Sagittarius seeks to dance with Scorpio, and to then take her home.

* * *

Remember when we were young, we walked home from school together,
singing songs and talking about our dreams. Your silliness
made me laugh, and in the evening, you'd call and enchant me with your stories,
I imagined we were together. Even then my heart was yours.

I remember you befriended me with blitheness. You were so carefree,
so unpretentious, so wild, all tucked-out shirt and frenzied hair. You were a girl,
but now you are a woman. You’re all grown up and thoughtful--
your hair is long, and your lips fuller.

Tomorrow I must go, my love. I will sail with them to the lost nations.
I will bring along your crystal angels so you will always be with me.
Filled with thoughts of you, the stars above the sea will glow like embers.
I will return with stories for you. But do not wait for me.

I am the moon, you are the sun. Whenever you lead I will go,
following across the wide sky, as long as I live and you love.
Moon follows Sun until he tires, then carries him until he’s strong
and runs ahead of her again. I’ll carry you, too, my beloved.

My love, we are not Sun and Moon. Instead we are like day and night.
At dawn and dusk Day spies his love. Across the rolling hills of sky,
They glimpse each other, so briefly. They throw each other kisses, cry.
Until pulled apart from Night, Day sank, commanded by the western horizon that always beckons him to come.

I won’t give up hope, my love.

Our love is like the comet in the cloudless summer sky:
For a little while it burns brightly, its passage drawing a silvery line in the dark.
But soon the comet will be extinguished, its light will fade away. Like Day from Night,
I must live my life apart from you, just glimpsing you across the sky, because you cannot change, my dear, and nor can I.